For once, your mom,your aunt or grand relative and i will agree: Dont DO IT!! Don’t keep dating your ex-boyfriend… just don’t do it! And i guess related to that, is a *diiiing …* sound of a bell ringing into your head. Yeah, you heard it right.
I have had so many radio presenters with their late night ‘date’ shows asking a similar question in relation to giving therapy to the broken hearts. But let me guess, ‘you are reading this and you’re like…’ hmm well sh*t happens’ or rather you are pushing on thinking its the only remedy you have got left to nurse your heart break…. or may be you actually succeeded in giving it a 2nd, 3rd or may be even the 4th try at worst.. but the question remains.. was it worth it..? And my guess is simply….
Well, i have tried to read so much about cyclical relationships… yeah you read that right, cyclical as bred from the word ‘cycle’ — those who have broken up and then gotten back together. According to what i have read and seen people go through.. this is a common dating situation and from a physiology scale of the trends, mostly what is assessed of these relationships, 14 weeks to the future is misery. This is why….
1. Impulsive decisions:
Most of the decisions made when in cyclical relationship are normally by impulse, making the entire relationship a scary one, filled with utter fear and ‘heavy’ major relationship transitions. i.e. moving in together or having children. The list can go on
2. General less satisfaction from the partner
Everything after the breakup becomes routine, less adventurous and the relationship becomes more predictable. Simply because you now tend to be a soft landing pad for his ‘boomerang’ acts.
3. Worse Communication
Every disagreement or mistake made will always be filled with regret and often referenced to what happened during or after the break up, what caused it and how either party can never ‘change’ in character.
4. Wrong Decisions:
Often more of the wrong decisions will be made that negatively affect the relationship further making it a worthless effort.
Depending on who ever asked the other to get back, ‘lines’ would be drawn and this affects your free interaction and uprightness.
6. Uncertainty of the Future:
You will always experience higher uncertainty about your future together. Well said.. will just not be sure of him..
some people will cite examples that indicate some success of the couples that got back together and tend to agree that their partner actually did change or that communication is better, but that doesn’t seem to be the reality. “The idea is that because people aren’t making explicit commitments to the relationship, they are less likely to engage in pro-relationship behaviors, such as discussing the state of the relationship or making sacrifices for their partner.”
I have met with Ann, an infamously bad decision maker on the subject and/or rather, and she goes; the survivor of a cyclical relationship (you guys, I think I have seriously used the phrase, “When we broke up for the fourth time…” she goes), and with whatever she hinted, I have to agree that I don’t think cyclical relationships are healthy or have much potential to last.
Aside from the reasons above, and the fact that your friends will probably be unable to break their own personal cycle of hating his stupid guts, I think there is one crushing reason why it wouldn’t work. Ann says by dating her ex again, after he had done some pretty terrible things and without any major changes other than that they missed each other, she was basically sending him the message that it was okay to hurt her and it wasnt So he kept doing it until he finally messed it up so bad, she says she reached her breaking point with that. As you can imagine, that did not feel like a positive experience. Getting back together can seem sweet or exciting, but it’s really hard for people to change. Unless you broke up over something like distance or youth that can truly be different once you are back together, I think it’s generally a bad idea.