THERE’S A GROWING chorus and this flooding fantasy among new age lovers, that when; “i love you-i love you too” is uttered and great sex is done, a long lasting bond automatically registers itself.
But only to find out some months/few years later that the relationship is stuck on the verge emptiness and bitter collapse!
I must also confess that not only in my boyish regime, these rather short but “sweet” lyrics have also seemed to use my oxygen throughout fertile years. If you’ve been breathing on this planet, you could also have invested in using these similar intimate expressions that overwhelm feelings. And this might be the reason “why” your relationship is stunted– maybe, after getting him/her, you remained locked in same old “wording”!!
As a Media &Dating Coach for almost a decade, 7 out of 10 cases I receive each month, partners are stuck in the first phase of love making and they narrate to me the “challenging desire” to lift their intimacy to “another level”. For sure when it comes to experiencing love, everyone would wish his/her relationship at least to keep moving even when things aren’t good in there!
So, how can we harness our relationships to achieve intimacy growth and spiritual wisdom??
Mindfulness skills help prepare our brain reception centres and we learn universal ways giving and receiving with a multitude of feelings and longings. We learn safer interpersonal attachment that allows us to represent our wholeness in a calm and attractive way.
Building a healthy and grounded relationship requires time, emotional energy and skills. For some partners, intimate connection is a ground for celebrating sorts of sweetness and romantic pains–“sweetheart, my legs are paining here…he pays attention:… “Oooh sori …show me; … (he massages physically as she enjoys his gentle touch), and before she knows it,… boom!!! pain is gone, while for many love is an island of misery, criticism, contempt, silence and resistance!
Spiritual teachings and religious practices help us grow toward transformation. A holly longing leads us to awaken into a central place, where we become fully aware of our feelings and longings that arise in our intimate connection, and we skillfully welcome them with compassion rather than judgment. Welcoming and “being with” our experience is not the same as “being for it” or “being against it.” This does not mean gratifying every whim and indulging every desire, but rather cultivating a mindful awareness of how we are experiencing life, what we’re wanting in a particular moment, and applying wisdom to discern whether it actually serves our us or not.
The belief that love causes suffering is not realistic, rather a pattern of failed past love experiences you’ve heard overtime. We engage in misguided efforts to dismiss our true feelings as we manipulate the meanings, which numbs our intellect that could enable us connect with inner self and our partner. Instead we forge a reality that we don’t feel safely and securely connected in our relationships, yet we fuel a destructive feeling that raids of our love!
Being present to what arises in our minds, our hearts, and our bodies as a result of our natural experience as living beings, enables a gentle, mindful inquiry that allows us to befriend a mix of emotional pains with loving-kindness than blaming the mess on our partners. As we accept and embrace ourselves and fellow beings as “imperfect”, we achieve intimate maturity and wisdom.
We begin to see things clearly, become friendly with all creatures around us, we begin to master the winds, tides and gravity of long-lasting mix of agony and ecstasy of love in our precious environment. Then from this level, only death can separate your union.
About the writer
Born and raised Ugandan; Mwinebantuki Ambrose is Media& Dating Coach, with a decade-term research and interest in the impact of media, gender and culture on intimacy and relationship development. His emphasis is dedicated to “emotional focusing, social identity and spiritual intimacy. He’s the founder and facilitator at “The NewAge Dating Inc”
You can interact with him online at the following link for all your relationship concerns: https://m.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1458212464509522&ref=bookmarks